"May the LORD bless you and keep you,
May the LORD make his face shine upon you,
May the LORD look upon you and give you peace."
E. awoke at 2 am, again. Lisa and I had discussed our dilemna and formulated a family plan. The newly-developing pattern of waking 2 - 4 am and sleeping on Poppa's chest on the couch had steam-rolled into sleeping between Momma and Poppa in our bed. This was a BIG no-no.
Our plan was to let E. stay in his bed, even if it meant some crying (both from E. and us.) But it was 2 am, again. E. was awake and screaming, again. So...I went to his room, laid him down, spoke a few words of reassurance and patted his little head.
He kept screaming and crying.
While keeping vigil in the rocker across the room, I noticed (out of the corner of my eyes) how E. kept looking intently at me. I avoided eye contact, though, by looking down at the floor. This seemed to infuriate and frustrate him. He could see I was present in the room; but, he wanted "face time." Seeing me there wasn't as comforting as seeing me seeing him.He needed intimacy, not presence.
Suddenly, I was the one staring intently through the darkness, my eyes tearfully searching for my Father's face. God was present there. He is everywhere, always present and I'm usually aware of it. But my heart longs for "face time," intimacy.
Then the words I prayerfully recite over E. each night as I lay him in bed took new, deeper meaning. I more fully understood why God instructed Aaron to bless his people this way.
Lord, look upon me. Make your face shine upon me. Then I will experience peace.