Today I reached my 39th birthday. This is, for the most part,an insignificant birthday year, typically. I still feel like a kid, though I can see gray in my beard.
Eli was home sick, so he helped Momma make me a cherry-chip birthday cake. As SOON as I came through the door, we had to eat a slice of the cake. He had been anxiously awaiting this all day long.
Suddenly it hit me. I am as old today as my dad was when he left our family and home. I was stunned. There is nothing about my life that I would want to leave. I would actually fight to stay. I seriously miss my wife, son and daughter even when I have to go to work or some other activity without them. How different was my dad's life experience that he ran away when he was 39?
He had been married 21 years. I've been married 14. He was in a marriage with a cycle of relationship and financial stress. I've a great life with an awesome partner and have only known joy with Lisa. He had been a father for 19 years. I've been for 3. He had 4 sons. I have a son and daughter. His oldest child was beginning adult life away at college. My oldest is beginning potty training. I feel so young and life is so good. I remember him as being older somehow...and life was not so good.
Still...I feel ill at ease being 39 now.