Not Willing...

The Momma and I try to instill in our children the importance and fun of trying new things. So from time to time we introduce new experiences and foods and games to them. We hope they will at least be gracious and courteous when confronted with different things while we are guests in someone else's space.

Well...last night we served lasagne for dinner.Jillian ate all we would give her. Eli was not hip to the idea. So we applied the try-just-one-bite procedure. If Eli tried just one small bite, he would share in the cookie desert. Otherwise he would not.

He did not. He kept leaving the table. We have already established the may-I-be-excused procedure. He tried escaping the choice, begging out of the consequence and outright hostility all in an effort to avoid the lasagne. He threw such a fit that we went to phase two and started a count-down clock. Still he refused. He went to bed without desert.

As I sullenly sat in the doorway, barring his intended raid on the cookies in the kitchen, he intermitantly said, "Leave me alone" and "get away from me." I cannot tell how this tore at my heart. I was already sad that he had chosen to miss the cookie. I was distressed that he was upset.

Suddenly it was not his voice I heard. It was my own. I thought of many times I said the same thing to the Heavenly Father. My head began to spin as I thought of the human condition. What we long for is right there within easy attainment. But we stubbornly insist on our way, thinking it better than the Father's way. Humanity is broken in ways that only lead to more brokeness. All the sadness and stress would disappear if he (we) just did the requested.

To paraphrase C.S. Lewis, unconverted mankind spends their lifetimes saying, "Leave me alone, God." And in eternity, God will finally let us have our way...

Last night I stopped trying to convince Eli to eat. I just lay down beside him and cried, too. I could not make him do this simple thing without becoming a cruel dad. I could not remove the consequence without becoming an indulgent dad. But I could not let him face it alone. I hope that means I might be a good dad.

Every day I'm a daddy, I am overwhelmed with the love, patience and pain the Heavenly Father must have.